i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
