when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
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Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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