So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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