I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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