You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Randomize
