I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
