Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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