Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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