I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
