The maid of honor just puked.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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