Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
