Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
