there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
