it wasn't lemon gatorade
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
