allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
