woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
