dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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