we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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