didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
