and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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