I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
