I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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