Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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