At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
