i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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