Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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