i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
