I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
