i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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