What a fucking waste of an outfit
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
well you can't waste a boner
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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