You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
