sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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