They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
