I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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