Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
