im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
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My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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