just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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