Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
