Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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