I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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