Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
