He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
