Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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