His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
