Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
