is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
