I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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