Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i came on her dog
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
