u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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