it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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