He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
