i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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