i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
