you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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