got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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