so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
