i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
