hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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