I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
