dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have already put on my inside pants.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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