Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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