I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
